![]() Now let’s look at BPD and apply that same logic, yes we seek attention, there is fear of abandonment, we have what is called an FP (favorite person) of whom we attach our existence to and rely on for emotional validation, we have trouble regulating our moods, splitting, identity confusion, and intense emotion. It leaves them scrambling to regulate themselves and leaves the neurotypical observer or interactor to assume that their buddy on the spectrum just doesn’t care enough to pay attention, or respond in the way a neurotypical would. They spend so much of their energy processing all the input that they have little energy left over for output. People on the autism spectrum generally not only feel so intensely in their emotions, but also experience high sensitivity sensorily. ![]() What we know within the autism community is that the opposite is true. If you know anything about autism, which is NOT a mental illness or chemical imbalance, but a neurotype, but if you know anything, you’ll recognize the common misunderstanding that people on the spectrum are unfeeling or lack emotion, even claims of narcissism. ![]() But rather, I want to focus on something I feel is more important for you to understand. I could spend all day listing off each untrue claim and explain to you why they are myths. If this is what she was sparing me from, are you less mad? Because after hearing stories about people with BPD being turned away from the emergency rooms, hung up on by crisis lines, dismissed by doctors, and psychiatrists, and shunned by their friends and family, I am the opposite of mad. Making bogus accusations that we’re severely manipulative, and can cry on command, make up suicide threats, lie to get our way, make horrible parents, and my absolute favorite, do not have the capacity to love. Now let’s put my therapist situation aside and go back to the medical professionals, and misinformation, and expand into thousands of articles written about people with “BPD” warning potential partners to steer clear, telling horror stories of our narcissistic ways, and unfeeling habits. I can see why she felt keeping something from me that has no treatment would make sense, she was sparing me the grief. I still feel that she should’ve told me, but also understand that she wasn’t even aware that there was a treatment (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy *DBT) for BPD until around the time I brought it into conversation. But eight months later, after reading everything I can about BPD, and involving myself in multiple support groups, I finally understand why she felt she was doing me a favor. I went home upset and feeling somewhat stabbed in the back, for having this information kept from me for so long. I say specifically because it is their job to be informed and they are routinely misinformed. You see, Borderline Personality Disorder is highly stigmatized and misunderstood, not only by the general population, but specifically by medical professionals. No, I do not put truck in random online “tests.” But, I did happen to get a score that was very high above “Extremely Likely BPD.” I took my knowledge of the “test” results in to my following therapy appointment, where my therapist proceeded to not only go through the BPD DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) checklist with me, and check each box as I fit every symptom, but she divulged the reasoning behind not wanting to write it in my charts or formally diagnose me. Six months later, while he was sleeping in bed, I took a BPD aptitude test. Despite not ever knowing anything about BPD, I heard *personality disorder* and immediately recoiled, accusing him of gaslighting. Several things came up, which is why armchair diagnosis is not good and rarely accurate, but he kept coming back to BPD. I have bipolar 1, but he felt that I was presenting symptoms outside of the spectrum of bipolar. Over a year ago, my boyfriend started researching my symptoms online. ![]() I went to bed hours ago, but some thoughts kept me awake until I was forced to get up and write about them, right now.įirst off, let me explain to you that, eight years ago my therapist wrote in her personal notes the suspicion that I may have BPD, but she never told me. It’s taken me a long time, this whole time, to not only come to terms, but understand the symptoms as well. I found out eight months ago that I have Borderline Personality Disorder *BPD.
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